The thing that’s been on my mind this week is how insecure I’ve been feeling without wearing makeup.
I’ve never considered myself to be someone who “needed” makeup. I actually didn’t start wearing it until two or three years ago – and I’m definitely not an expert.
But I’m starting to feel naked without it. I’m having a really hard time feeling beautiful, feeling confident, or feeling motivated without it. I’m starting to need it.
And once I realized that this was something that I needed – I started to try breaking the habit. Going to work without makeup. Hanging out with my friends without makeup.
It has not been as easy as I thought. When I’m at work, I don’t want to make eye contact with people without eyeliner. I don’t want to take pictures with my friends without foundation and concealer.
And this is unfair to my face. My face is mine, and that should be enough. My skin has imperfections, my eyes don’t naturally have a thick black wing – and there’s nothing wrong with that.
My brain is what matters at work. My thoughts and ideas are what got me the job, not my face.
My heart is what matters with my friends. The love and laughter is what keeps them around, not my “flawless”’ skin.
I am not less without makeup and I am not more when I wear it.
Makeup is a great thing and I love how confident it makes me feel – it’s definitely not something I want to give up. But I’m working on loving myself without it so that makeup can be an addition to my being – not a crutch.
I am many things. I am smart, and independent, and kind. I am all of these things – no matter how my face looks.
Beauty is not at the center of my being. I’m still trying to remind myself of this.
Self love is not something that comes easy to me. It’s something I have to work at every single day. But I am trying – and that’s a good start.